In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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