my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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