That's when you crack a 10am beer
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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