I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
