I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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