she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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