I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
