In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
