fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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