She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
