i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And then my night got REAL pukey
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
