He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
