and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
