Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
