why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
