Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
