I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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