You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
