somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
