I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
