I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
