Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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