Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
