We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
