I'm pants shitting drunk right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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