how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
