she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
