just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All the doctor said was why
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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