Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
