Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
