Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
