ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
