You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
