All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
