so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
