I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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