the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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