Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
