Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
