I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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