She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
