I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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