Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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