come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
