Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
