pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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