i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't deserve a penis
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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