someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
