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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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