So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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