i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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