you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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