What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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