Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
