I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
