dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
