So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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