I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
