remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
