I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
