i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
