pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
