Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
