Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sarcasm needs its own font
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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