I accidentally had phone sex last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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