it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am mentally ready for anal.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
