He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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