I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
