Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
