it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
