Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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