I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
