Only a mothe r could love this liver
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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