i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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